I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
