Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize