i just wanna soil my oats bro
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
