ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
