I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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