True but thats because hes a fetus.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
