I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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