i jhust puked up my retainher.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
