I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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