I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
