how can u be prego again
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
