If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
