I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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