My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
