Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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