ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
