his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
