WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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