..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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