It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
