Tell her she can't have a vagina
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
