I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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