The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
