I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
