I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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