The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
