there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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