I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
