your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
