So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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