I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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