I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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