Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
