I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
