i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They are going to name an STD after you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
