I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
