How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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