How'd it feel making her break her religion?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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