Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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