okay pat passed out under dana's car
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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