Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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