Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
