There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
