Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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