i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
