I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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