i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
