are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
