I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
In America we eat man semen.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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