i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
