I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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