Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
