I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
