I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
