Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
