Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
