Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
