$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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