so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
