He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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