Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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