I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
