I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
