I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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