I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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