shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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