omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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