k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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