he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
