I cannot find my penis.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
