I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Vodka?
Forever.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
