This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
