I cannot find my penis.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
