That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
