Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
