Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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