the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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